next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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