What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
