sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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