is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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