First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
