last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
