i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
