You made me cry and you don't even care
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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