An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
