We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
wakey wakey hands off snakey
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
