the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize