so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
