We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
