Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
