8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
