The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
