i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
