no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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