I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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