yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Randomize
