your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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