I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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