Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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