So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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