I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
