I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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