tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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