As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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