I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
