I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We had sex on a dog bed..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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