My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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