I just saw a hot homeless man
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Omg I joined a choir last night...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
