Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize