i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
