I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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