I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Randomize
