is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
