so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
