im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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