btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
