I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
