its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
