In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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