Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
