You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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