Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
