Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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