Will you blow on my dice?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
