Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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