haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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