ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
