I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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