Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
You smell like stripper and shame
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize