ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
