She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
