I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
