She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
