half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
