If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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