So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
