garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
