.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
