Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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