yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
