I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
