i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
