i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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