i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
