I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
