Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
her vagine was all disorganized.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
This toilet bowl is my home.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
