I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
