You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
